The 3 Levels of Listening
It’s important to note that listening is a skill, and like any other skill it must be developed.
There are 2 key components involved:
Being Present: Effective listening requires you be present in the moment. You need to pay attention not just to the words being spoken but also to how they are being delivered. This includes noticing the energy and emotion behind the words and understanding the speaker’s internal or emotional state.
Understanding Responses: It’s crucial to assess whether the other person is genuinely responding to what you’ve communicated or if they are reacting to something entirely different because they were not fully engaged. Often, when you feel that you need to repeat yourself, it’s because the other person didn't hear or understand you clearly.
And a few key ideas to keep in mind…
How You Ask the Question Matters
When you ask someone follow-up questions to gain clarity, there are different ways you can approach it.
One way is to breeze through the questions as quickly as possible, similar to the rapid clicks at a department store checkout, where you're just trying to get through the process. When you pose questions from this checked out state, you can expect answers to be the same - automatic and inauthentic. You can listen all you want to those kinds of answers, and you won’t learn a thing about the other person.
To truly connect with another individual on a meaningful level, it’s imperative that you give them your undivided attention.
This involves suspending your internal dialogue and stopping yourself from thinking about what you’re going to say next - and focusing completely on the other person’s words, tone, and emotional cues.
When someone feels that you are genuinely curious and interested in their answers, they relish the opportunity to respond. They know you’re not just asking to get through a checklist, but you’re actively listening and taking note of their responses.
When you engage to this degree, you create deeper connections, the other person feels valued, and you gain richer, more meaningful insights. This not only improves the quality of the conversation but also helps you avoid missteps, such as missing critical details or failing to understand the other person’s priorities.
Going Beyond Words
Great listening is about using verbal and non-verbal cues to understand what the other person hears and feels in response to you. To truly listen, you need to understand how the other person is hearing and feeling your message because that’s what gives your words meaning.
Some people enjoy fast-paced banter, while others find it aggressive and pushy. Some people appreciate a more long-winded and relational conversation, while others see that as a waste of time. If you aren’t tuned in enough to recognize these subtle distinctions and how you need to adjust your delivery - then you set yourself up to appeal to a very narrow audience.
A truly great listener can tune in to the energy of any conversation and meet the other person where they are.
Even something as simple as how someone says “hello” can carry a wealth of information. The tone, the energy, and the mood behind a greeting can give you clues about the other person’s current state of mind - whether they are skeptical, open, or distracted.
If someone answers the phone with a short and irritated “hello” but you don’t pick up on that, and you proceed to take the next 5 minutes to leisurely introduce yourself and the purpose of the call… chances are you have already lost their interest and they’re waiting for you to stop talking so that they can make up an excuse to get off the phone.
It is imperative that you use all of your senses, including intuition, to gather information and intel on who the other person is and how you can best be of service.
Now, lets’s get into…
The 3 Levels of Listening
… the key ability is being able to shift between different levels of listening when necessary. Think of it as changing gears when the situation calls for it.
Level 1: Internal Listening
The first level of listening is known as internal listening, where our attention is primarily on ourselves and our world.
At this level, everything we hear is filtered through the lens of how it applies to us. You’re listening for your own benefit.
For example, if you’re walking through the airport and hear an announcement about a gate change, you’re focused on how it affects your travel plans. You don’t need to worry about how the person making the announcement feels, you’re just gathering the information you need.
Similarly, when a waiter shares the specials at a restaurant, you’re listening to decide what sounds appealing to you. You’re not concerned with the emotions behind their words, you’re focused on making a choice that suits your preferences.
At level one, you're tuned into yourself, with a constant stream of internal chatter in the background.
This type of listening, though helpful and necessary at times, can be a barrier to true understanding and connection…
It’s easy to get stuck in level one listening, where you’re more concerned about what to say next rather than truly listening.
Sometimes, this comes from a positive intention - such as you want to keep the conversation moving and you value the other person’s time. But when you’re at level one, you’re not as prepared as you might think… you’re having an internal conversation, planning your next move, but missing out on the real-time cues from the other person.
While it may feel efficient to prepare responses ahead of time, true effectiveness comes from being present in the moment. You may have tools and strategies for moving the conversation forward, but knowing when to apply the right tool is what truly matters. This is where toggling between levels of listening becomes crucial.
If you stay in level one, you risk engaging in a conversation with yourself, missing the opportunity to connect with the other person.
To really hear and understand them, you need to switch to level two listening.
Level 2: Focused Listening
At level one, even though you might appear to be paying attention, your focus is still on your internal dialogue - what you’re going to say next or how the conversation affects you. But level two is different.
At level two, you are 100% focused on the other person, and your internal mind chatter has stopped.
In level two, you're completely immersed in what the other person is saying. You’re no longer thinking about yourself or your own agenda. You’re not distracted by your phone, your computer, or anything else.
In this level of listening, the other person feels that they have all the time in the world with you. It’s not about checking off tasks; it’s about giving the conversation the space it needs. You’re not rushing them or signaling for them to, “Hurry up and get to the point.” Instead, you’re saying, “I have time for you. I want to hear the full story.”
In this state, you’re noticing expressions, metaphors, emotions, tone, pace, and even the energy behind the words. You’re listening to what isn’t being said as much as what is. This allows you to pick up on the person’s values, beliefs, vision, and identity. You begin to notice how they see themselves, what their sense of purpose is, and what they want to create in the world.
When you listen at this level, your response - both in words and tone - becomes self-evident. You instinctively know how to guide the conversation and bring the person along with you.
This helps the person you’re speaking to feel that they are in good hands. When someone feels like they’re working with a professional who has a clear roadmap or game plan, they can relax. They know they’re being taken care of, which creates a sense of trust and security in the relationship. This level of attentiveness and professionalism is what fosters confidence in the process and allows the conversation to unfold naturally.
Level 3: Global Listening
Level three listening goes beyond what is seen or heard. It taps into something spiritual and intuitive.
A powerful analogy for this is - radio waves. You can't see them, but you know they exist because you can hear the music when you turn on the radio. Similarly, in level three listening, you are tuning into the "radio waves" of a conversation - the underlying emotions, thoughts, and energies that aren't directly observable.
Level three listening is a heightened state of awareness where you start to listen not just with your ears, but with your intuition and spirit. It’s an inner knowing that goes beyond what the person is saying, allowing you to sense their deeper emotions, motivations, or unspoken concerns.
When you're at level three, you start to see things that the other person might not even be consciously aware of themselves. You gain a holistic understanding of the conversation, noticing the subtleties that extend beyond the immediate dialogue. Intuition provides spontaneous insights and questions that arise seemingly out of nowhere, helping you grasp the bigger picture of the interaction…
…this expanded awareness allows you to make connections and draw insights that are outside the scope of the conversation but still deeply relevant.
The best communicators are able to tap into this skill naturally. They are attuned to the vibe of a room and can instantly adjust their words and delivery based on how the conversation is landing with others. This ability to sense how people are feeling, even if they don’t express it, is a hallmark of level three listening.
Level three listening is what separates great presenters from the rest. Comedians, for instance, continuously calibrate their gestures, pacing, and jokes based on the real-time feedback they receive from the audience. They are deeply connected to the room, making the performance feel personal and natural, even though it has been practiced countless times.
In summary…
It’s not specific scripting or a well-rehearsed delivery that leads to meaningful conversations; it’s your ability to make someone feel heard, valued, and understood. This begins the moment someone says “hello” and continues throughout the conversation. Whether you’re toggling between levels one and two, or occasionally dipping into level three, everything hinges on your ability to listen.
-Joe
Joe Arroyo is the expert on recruiting, selecting, training, and retaining world-class talent. As CEO of Vision Architect and Convert, him & his team have been "building business by building people” since 2001.
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